Monday 2/1/21 6am

     What do I have to do to get a cup of coffee in this place? It's been snowing since yesterday afternoon, and is supposed to continue into tomorrow morning. Over a foot perhaps. Why not? 2021 is just an extension of the shitshow we call 2020. Nothing surprises me. So instead of staying alone in Bangor I decided to come down to the cafe and sleep. I'm closer to my office for my last few days of work, plus the roads will likely be better here in Easton. I assume I will need to go to the hospital tonight no matter the weather. We are a hospital after all. We can't just close. Not that greeting people, accepting patient deliveries, or pointing to the elevator for the vaccine clinic is mission-critical, but it somehow fits into the machinery that is the hospital. And anything I can do to help the nurses and doctors feels like the right thing to do. They are generally good people who care hard. This virus is taking a toll on them.

    But back to coffee. I'm living in a cafe. We have a commercial coffee grinder. I brought my favorite coffee because I like it better than the stuff we currently have. I'll convince Sarah to change brands later. Her palate is exquisite and I know she'll like the Mayorga better too. We have an espresso machine. A big commercial one. And a commercial hot water heater for pour-over coffee. But do you think I can find the handle for the espresso machine? How about the holder for the pour over? Nope and nope. Like what the hell? I was here making espresso yesterday. The staff cleaned up before leaving early. The handle should be somewhere easy to find. But I can't. So I made cowboy coffee in a pot and poured it through a filter inside a small strainer. It wasn't pretty, but finally after what felt like an eternity, I had my coffee. 

    I can see that it is going to take several weeks to establish a new morning routine. This transition is going to take a while. It is pretty major when I think about it. Some call me crazy. I definitely am. Hopefully in a good way. I certainly have my struggles inside my head. That's the biggest overarching reason why I'm leaving my enjoyable, secure, good-paying job with excellent benefits. It sounds crazy when I say it out loud. And yet, already the taste of independence is delicious. Sarah and I are a force. We know our shit. We are passionate. If anything, we care too much and scare people off. They aren't ready. Everyone has their own time. Their own timing. Their own highs and lows to guide their decisions. All we can do is keep loving them and being there when they are ready. It's beautiful to watch the lights go on; when they see, or when they FEEL, their first big change. Maybe its a noticeable increase in energy or mood. Maybe its a better workout than they ever imagined. Maybe they notice some pain they've always had is now gone. Maybe they lost some weight without trying. Whatever it is, its like magic. Its fucking beautiful.

    Its about time for me to tighten things up too. Covid has been a great excuse for me to slack off. I'm still keeping up in general, and still far better than the old me. But I'm not where I was a year ago. It's OK. I don't need to be perfect. Sometimes just getting through the day is an accomplishment. And yetI can feel my body telling me it's time. It's time to refocus on what I know works for me. The diet is probably the best part still. That is almost easy now since I have my favorite recipes and places to get the right ingredients. Fitness and sleep need to come back in line. And the emotional, social, and behavioral health areas all need attention. In other words, I have plenty of room for growth and improvement, and I am looking forward to making it happen. I know exactly what to do. So let's do it.